You’re too cool for school
One of the easiest ways to paint yourself into a corner is by thinking you’re above it all. Are you unwittingly giving the impression that you’re way too special?
Approachability is key to finding someone. And if all scenes in the city -be it nightlife, the yari road scriptwriters-of-the-world-unite club, bandra bohemians who’ve recently discovered the virtues of neon -are getting to you, chances are you’re going down a path, a lonely path.
Corrective measures:
Be less judgemental and open up.
You’re waiting for lord darcy (and he ain’t coming)
Ok, we all are harbouring that secret wish for a lord Darcy to materialise from that hazy mist of boulevard of broken dreams, with all the perks that come with him: a chauffeur-driven bentley, that mansion in kensington, the family home far away from the madding crowd, etc. Stop slobbering over unrealistic dreams. It’s wasting your time, and you could well be missing crucial opportunities with that hunk who rides a bullet.
Corrective measures:
Get a job. Stop daydreaming about Mr money bags.
You find online dating risky
It is 2016. And while there is the odd chance that you’ll end up with a bunny boiler, not every person online is a stalker or a sociopath. Your trepidation of meeting absolute strangers could well be one of the reasons you are still on your own. Start out with making an online profile. Take this aspect seriously. Look for a decent photograph of yours. Like point 1, remember that approachability in the cyber world is as crucial as your being affable in the real world. It’s time for tinder, whether you like it or not.
Corrective measures:
Most millennials find online dating to be a convenient way to find true love. Try it for a change.
You have issues with intimacy
This can go either way.
Either you’re too shy, or you’re too eager. If you have issues with going all the way on the first date, do keep in mind that a snog-fest (if you like your date) is perfectly acceptable. Not even going as far as a kiss or holding hands gives your date/potential lover the sign that you’re not interested. It’s also bad manners, because you’re making your date feel undesirable. On the other hand, pulling off a mauke-pe-chauka and jumping your date is sheer desperation. Balance your carnal urges and find the right algorithm between lust and caution.
Corrective measures:
Learn to trust and to let go too.
You ghost on people
You’ve been single for so long that there is a sense of detachment and self-sufficiency. It makes you infinitely cool, but in the process, are you also losing crucial communication skills in your solitary utopia? Ghosting on friends is still ok – they already know you’re a freak. Ghosting on dates (without a legitimate reason) gives out a signal that you’re fickle, you’re flaky, you’re inexperienced in starting and ending matters of the heart.
Corrective measures:
Keep communication channels open, unless you’re being stalked.
You’re ‘happy’ to be single
The ladies’ night cosmopolitans are best seen on TV. Stop consuming them in reality. Or that raucous boys’ night out at some godforsaken pub must be hilarious every once in a while. But at no point should you kid yourself that it beats the real thing: being in a serious relationship. Most people who say that they’re happy to be single are lying. Don’t be one of them. Truth is good for the soul.you’re unhappy. You need someone.find someone.
Corrective measures:
It’s rather simple, start dating.
You like your old monk and soda, alone (start socialising)
“People who meet people are the luckiest people in the world” are the lyrics for a famous ditty by barbra streisand. In the course of being single, have you also begun enjoying your own company a little too much? If so, it’s a problem. No one’s asking you to be forever 21 and paint the town red. But do take the initiative to still be in the game, hard as it can get once too long in the tooth. If invited by friends (or friends of friends), make the effort to go out.you are not going to find love on your sofa whilst watching tv. Yes, you’ll find catchy one-liners about single folks who are loving it.remember they are acting. You need to get real.
Corrective measures:
(Most) people don’t bite. Circulate.
You’re married to the job
Nothing can be worse than hiding behind your job to fill the void. By all means, be a careerist, but don’t let that come at the cost of your love life. You are using your job to avoid crucial homework on how to hitch a significant other. On the other hand, please use your work colleagues to introduce you to potential dates. Remember there is no harm in advertising that you’re looking to find someone. It needn’t just be your close friends; it ought to be your colleagues. Tell them you have some serious work cut out for you with your personal life.
Corrective measures:
Find a balance with work and personal life.
Your friends are cooler than your (potential) dates
Of course, it is lovely to have a set of cool, intelligent best friends forevers. But is it ironically also scuppering your hopes for finding love? Sometimes, we’re so sorted socially that we don’t look further afield. Don’t dump your besties, but start socialising in different spaces, by which you can find interesting people. Remember, the trick is to always be in the game. Attend openings, parties, blind date events, random gigs. Serendipity is a virtue for the single. And speaking of serendipity, stop reading any forms of horoscopes, tarot card specials, etc. it’s humbug.
Corrective measures:
Friends don’t make up for the lack of a partner. Split your social calendar to accommodate both.
You never stopped masterdating
Of course, you must watch that michael haneke film at PVC alone (none of your friends are joining you), or attend that dayanita singh photography opening solo. And there is nothing wrong with going to your neighbourhood deli for a hearty sunday breakfast to get over that terrible hangover. There is no greater pleasure than tucking into a paperback at a hip cafe. But masterdating is a sign that you have begun liking your company a little too much.
Corrective measures:
Invest in some quality me-time. But book a table for two every now and then.